I listened to an Abraham CD last night on the way home from driving my kids to my parents house (they will stay for a week, which means my husband and I can eat sushi and Indian food while they’re gone!).
Abraham said we are so concerned about not creating waves or hurting other people that we constantly do things or agree to things that we don’t want to do.
Instead, imagine if someone asks you to do something and you say, “No Thank you.” And the other person asks, “Why not?” And you answer, “Because I don’t want to.”
Now, the person might try and talk you into doing what they want you to do nonetheless, but you can then say, “You can try to persuade me to do it, but please don’t pressure me and the bottom line is, I really don’t want to do it.”
Of course, this won’t work too well at your job. Tell your boss you don’t want to do a certain reasonable task, whatever that task may be is a sure way of getting fired.
I’m talking about outside of the work environment for the most part, although there are times when you need to speak up at work as well…and it’s always a good idea to be your authentic self in all environments.
So.
Imagine being that honest and straight with people? “No thank you.” “Why?” “Because I don’t want to.” Brilliant!
There’s a freedom to being your authentic self. Saying what’s really there. I practice being in the moment and having compassion for people AND being my authentic self.
But being my authentic self does not mean I am mean to people.
Although some may not like my honesty.
As a dedicated people pleaser, this is all new to me. Sort of like a fantasy. Imagine if I could say “Because I don’t want to,” to them?
I have this freedom with my husband and my kids.
But with other adults…not so much.
Someone close to me called me yesterday. While she didn’t ask me to do something, she did want me to listen to her rant and rave about her “horrible and terrible situation.” Her “tragedy” so to speak.
I was having a hard time seeing the “horribleness or terribleness of it all”, not to mention the “tragedy” that she claimed she was currently experiencing.
So instead of doing what I usually do with this person and supressing my expression for the purpose of avoiding making waves, I took the leap, the risk…and spoke my mind.
I actually said…(you won’t believe this now…hold on…)
“How is this horrible? How is this terrible? I’m trying to understand what is the tragedy.”
Well, this didn’t go so well. The person became furious. Disowned me as a matter of fact (the conversation did sort of deteriorate into the swamp land of hurtful digs before she did the disowning).
But I felt a certain liberation. Not for the hurtful digs we exchanged (I will apologize for my part in those)….but a liberation because I had been my authentic self in the beginning of the conversation. And she didn’t like that. Who she liked was the fake me. Who she could stand to be around was the people pleaser. The one who didn’t make waves, who listened and didn’t disagree. The real me she couldn’t tolerate for more than two minutes.
What makes this sticky is that this person is a close family member. So…many other people will be affected by the disowning of me by this person. (Imagine all the years of not making waves I’ve done).
But what good is a relationship where you suppress yourself? Where you can’t be yourself? Where you are a phony, just saying what the person wants to hear because you don’t want to make waves? Because you know if you speak your mind, they will disown you.
I’ve ended close friendships in the past because of this very issue…but it’s a lot harder to end close family relationships.
Relationships where you cannot be yourself.
So now, to make sure I am not getting sucked into drama, I will consciously look at all of this from Law of Attraction Perspective…If I were to coach myself, I would say, “What you focus on is what expands.”
So the question I will ask myself today is, “What do I want to expand?” “What is it that I want?” And then choose to see things that way.
What I want is fulfilling relationships where I can be my authentic self.
And the more I focus on that, the more of those types of relationships will come to be.
Go ahead. Make a comment and express your authentic self.
